How To Brush Off Requests For Free {professional} Advice at Social Gatherings {'WSJ'..from- 6-7-2007}
 
When Ian Wills attends a cocktail party, it's only a matter
of time before the inevitable happens. "Word gets around
about who I am, and people start coming up to me," he says.
.. Mr. Wills is an iPod technician in Baton Rouge, Louisiana,
and day after day, people lean on him for free iPod advice or
repairs.
Doctors and lawyers have long endured friends and acquaint-
ances seeking medical or legal tips. But these days, Mr. Wills
and others in less-traditional jobs {sometimes called "feng-
shui consultants," "life-coaches" or even "Botox-specialists"}
are also feeling put upon.

.. In response, many are developing friendly-but-businesslike
techniques to deal with these advice freeloaders. They've
learned the art of the quick answer, the pleasant redirection
to other sources, and when necessary, the firm brushoff.

.. They've also established a free-advice hierarchy. Family and
close friends are at the top. Acquaintances of acquaintances are
near the bottom, just above strangers.
.. Las Vegas poker champion Scott Fischman, who writes about
online poker, says that when he's invited to social gatherings, he
has to decide: "Do I want to spend four hours answering questions
{about card-playing} or should I just stay home?" If he does venture
out, he strives to remain helpful, briefly explaining how winning at
poker comes from "learning how to learn" the game.

Natasha Pearl, who runs a New York lifestyle-management service
for a wealthy clientele, says that when she attends charity dinners,
her tablemates often ask her where to find personal chefs, or how
to keep housekeepers from bullying kitchen staffers. Ms. Pearl is
ready with answers.

.. "You probably don't have good policies in place," she'll say.
"That's the environment where bullies thrive." She charges about
$10,000 to find a chef, and up to $20,000 to draw up a house-
keeping procedural manual for a mansion. So she gently lets those
seeking free-advice know that their queries aren't easily addressed.

"I pepper them with questions: 'Do you want a chef who cooks or-
ganic{?} who knows nutrition science and serves as well as cooks?'
.. By the sixth question, they'll say, 'Oh, I see.' They realize it's
complicated."
.. At a cocktail party, if someone says to a doctor, "I have a med-
ical question," the doctor can always deliver the old line: "Great,
just get undressed." Now, those in newer professions {especially
computing} are amassing their own quips.

.. ThinkGeek.com has sold thousands of- "No, I will not fix your
computer" T-shirts, in recent years. And Derek Sorenson, who runs
"WebSiteRepairs.net," has a note on his site discouraging free ad-
vice seekers. He wrote: "If I want to give free advice, I'll find you."

Still, for many people, it's hard to turn away advice-seekers. Lisa
Jacobson is the founder of "Inspirica," a New York tutoring and test-
preparation firm. She estimates that 500 acquaintances and strangers
a year ask her for free-tips on how to get their children into the
top colleges.
.. One mother approached her at a party and began weeping as she
sought advice. Another invited her for a Sunday brunch, hoping to
learn college admission secrets. Ms. Jacobson even suspects that
some parents of grade-schoolers have befriended her because they
hope she'll be an asset when their kids are college-bound.

.. Recently, Ms. Jacobson paid a psychologist she knows to help
her deal with the crush of advice-seekers. "It was taking up so
many hours a week, I had to do something," she says.
.. The psychologist told her to put up more boundaries, and tell
people: "Why don't you call me at the office on Monday?" The psy-
chologist also suggested that she point people to resources; ie.,
Web sites, books, etc. so she merely won't just be turning people
away.
.. That's how Monterey, California professional organizer Christy
Best, operates. When people ask for free advice Re. overstuffed
closets, she offers a few well chosen lines. "It's like losing weight,"
she'll say.. "You organize a little at a time"; she then directs people
to her Web site: Clutterbug.net

Aaron Vronko, who co-founded an iPod repair-firm based in a
mid-sized town in Michigan, looks at the bright side. Yes, his
friends "throw their iPods at me and say, 'Make it work!'.. but
he feels lucky that the town in which he lives {Kalamazoo} is
not yet a town where everyone has the device. "If I lived in L.A.,
people would say, 'Is that the iPod guy?.. Get him!'.. I'd have
to change my identity!" {fini}