1. Between 11 June and 11 July 2010, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the South African World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
 
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).
 
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don’t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me.
 
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell on the floor….It won’t happen.
 
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on (excluding your body parts), and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
 
6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say “get over it, it’s only a game”, or “don’t worry, they’ll win next time “. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called “words of encouragement” will only lead to a break up or divorce.
 
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the half time score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying “one” game; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to “spend time together”.
 
8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don’t care if I have seen them or I haven’t seen them, I want to see them again, Many times.
 
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
 
a ) I will not go,
b ) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
 
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
 
11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying “but you have already seen this…why don’t you change the channel to something we can all watch?” because, the reply will be, “Refer to Rule #2 of this list”.
 
12. And finally, please save your expressions such as “Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years”. I am immune to these words, because before and after this comes the Champions League, Premier League, Italian League, Spanish League, KPL, FA Cup, Euro Cup, etc.
 
P/S
 
By the way if you get stuck on the road call the Police or AA.
 
Thank you for your co-operation.
 

I'll tell my wife about this as soon as the Burnley v Liverpool game is finished.
My tip for the world cup is Spain.
England have little chance..and a big factor is that the premier league teams are stacked with overseas players. This is to the detriment of the English national team.
Very entertaining piece of writing , Spud.

 
 
cheers, but I can't take the credit, a mate sent it to me...it's doing the rounds at the moment.
Here, we continue to hope against all the available evidence that Australia will do well

die Mannschaft
 
are my personal favorite
 
secondarily I hope the Americans place well

It's unfortunate for the Australian team that they don't have the same coach from last time around; the brilliant Dutch man, Gouda Van Clog. On the plus side Schwarzter, the goalie is in great form as is Tim Cahill at the scoring end.But it will be a surprise if they equal the great success they had in Germany.
 I had a feeling you had not written it. I meant it was worthy of being posted since it was so funny, but my wife was not amused by it for some reason.

 and is the world's press lined up on my doorstep...am I on youtube ? No , they are drooling and gushing over some slimy cephalopod mollusk who got lucky with some fifty - fifty guesses.
ATTENTION journalists..my tip was a one in 32.
Will be a great game today, emotions will reach fever pitch for either Holland or Spain.
And yes, Paul the octopus agrees with me that Spain will win.

 
...and if he doesnt....