I found a list of names of actual chess teams collected from various team tournaments in Ohio. I post them here so that they are seen by group of people who could appreciate the exhaustive chess puns and pop culture humor.
Enjoy!
 
1...KxQ+N: The Simpson Defense
4 Quartz 4 Sale
4.5 Mil Or the Preacher Gets It
9 Inch Pawns on Tour
A Day at the Pawn Races
Adam's Family
Aging Chess Nuts (Senior Team)
A Knight in Capablanca
A Little Knight Music
All Chessed Up With No Mates to Go
Altered Mates
A Rook with a View
Any Portisch in a Storm
AT&T True Moves
Attackamania
B2-G2
Bad Bishops
Baked Elasker
Beavis and Butt-vinik
Bedtime for Pawnzo
Bent on Larseny
Be Reti With a Crying Tal
Better Bishop Bureau
Billy Jean's Queens
Bishop Tolstoy and his Warrin' Pieces
Board Lords
Bobby Boomers
Bogo Knows Chess
Bouncing Checks
Boutrous Boutrous Ghali Piece Keepers
Bust Line Developers
C4 Good Rooking Guys
Cambridge Springers
Campo's Hit Squad
Capture in the Ruy
Castle Long Hoppity and the Reinfeld Cowboys
Cheap Thought
Check Bouncers
Check This
Chess b4Ne1
Chess in the Kramnik of Time
Chess is Like a Box of Chocolates
Chess Nuts Roasting on an Open File
Chessnik Cleansers
Chessnuts Roasting on an Open Foyer
Chessperadoes
Closet Queens
Compromising Positions
Conquest of Space
Crouching Tigran, Hidden Dragon
Dances with Knights
Dark Horses
Dawn of the Living Pawn
Dead of Knight
Dead Pawns Tell No Tales
Deep Blues Brothers
Deep Thoughtless
Defrocked Bishops
Diagonally Challenged
Discovered Czechs
Don't Fork the Horse
Don't Throw in the Tal
Dr. Kevorkian's Helpmates
Dr. Quark and the Passed Pions
E.P. - The Extra Potential
E4 Effort
Edwin Moses & the Broad Jumpers
Ehlvest Impersonators
Elo Mates, Arpad or Yours
Fast Draws
Fischermen
Fish Saemisch and Tartakower Sauce
Five Easy Pieces
Flying Knights (Air Force team)
Fork You
Forking Geniuses
Four Fits
Four Good Mates
Four Horsemen
Four Knights Looking for a Mate
Four on the Flohr
Four Playing Knights
Friday Knights
From Dusk till Pawn
Future Schach
Gata Winski
Geller's Kids
Give 'em the Bird
Go Ahead, Mate My Day
Got to Rook the Knight Away
Great Sacs All Knight Long
Hannibal Schlechter
Harharhartarson
Harry Patzer
Hey Judit
Here's Rooking At You
Horse Maneuver
Horsepower
Hyperkanndriacs
I Am Not a Rook
If Rooks Could Kill
I Saw Ehlvest
I.M. Possibles
Invasion of the Pawn Snatchers
Is That a Fianchettoed Bishop Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?
J'Adoubie Brothers
J'Adoubie-Double-Doo
Jack's Rippers
John Paul's Hard On Bishops
Johnnie Cochrane's Contemptable Defense
Joy of Sacs
Kann't b2 Reti for Mating
Karpovbaggers
Khomeini's School of Diplomacy
Kibitz and Blitz
King's Indiana Jones and the Last Attack
Knight Crawlers
Knight-Knight
Knight Mare on G-Street - Freddie Spikes Back
Knight Mares to Pawnder
Knights of the Crosstable
Knights of the Square Table
Knightstalkers
Kogan's Zeroes
Kortchnoi's Complaint
Kotov's Napkins
Ladies of the Knight (all female team)
Larsenic and Old Age
Lein Brains
Let's Get Tactical
Levin Fish
Lewinsky Knights
Little Bishop of Horrors
Little Karpov Horrors
Loch Chess Monsters
Lord of the Kings
Madonna's Flank Openings
Maroczy Morons
Marshall Artists
Master Beaters
Master Maters
Mate is Enough
Material Girls (all girl team)
Maters of the Lost Art
Mating Material (all female team)
Mating's the Best Way to Score
Mecking Out
Men at Work
Men of the First Rank
Men Over Board
Michael Rohde the Boat Ashore
Mieses Pieces
Mighty Morphy Pawn Arrangers
Miles Short of Fine
Monica: Insufficient Mating Material
Monica's Mates
Natural Pawn Killers
Navy SEALED Moves
Neon Knights
Nerds of Steel
Never Stale Maters
No Bad Checks
No Bawls (all female team)
No Pawn Intended
Not Reti A'Tal
OJ's Favorite Play: Cut Left, Slash Right
OJ's Forked Bronco
OJ's Queen Sacrifice
Old Indians
On Anand and On
On Golden Pawn
Once a Ponamariov
One For All and All Four Won
Ouch That Hort
Overdrawn Checks
Overworked and Underpromoted
Pawnographers
Pawn Chop
Pawn Scum
Pawn Shop
Phi Beta Capa's
Phorque U
Pillsbury Mates It Best
Planned Net of the Prime Mates
Poison Ivory
Poison Pawns
Premature Attack Elation
Preparation H-File
Queen Louganis and the Rear Entry Divers
Queens for a Day (all female team)
R to D2
Raiders of the Lost Fork
Reagan's El Salvadorian "Piece" Team
Reagan's Peacekeeping Force
Reti for Fine Moves
Reti for Mating
Reti or Not
Ripe Ter-Maters
Roasting Chess Nuts
Romanishin the Stone
Rook and Roll
Rook b4 You Leap
Rook, Line and Sinker
Rook of Gilbraltor
Rook Shields
Sac a Big One
Schach Therapy
Scotch on the Rooks
Second to Nunn
Seirawanee River
Shake & Mate
Shakmatny Byullet Dodgers
Shallow Blue
Shaq-Mate Magic
Shirovfullness
Silent Move (by Mel Rooks)
Slaughterhouse 4
Sleepless Knights
Smart Alekhines
Sons of Bishops
Spassky's Drawers
Spasstic Fischermen
Starcheck: the Wrath of Kann
Stick That Pawn Up Your a-file
Stormy Knights
Sugar Sacs
Svilder on the Roof
Take This Pawn and Kramnik
Take This Pawn and Shove It
Tal in the Saddle
Tals From the Crypt
Tarrasch Collectors
Tarrasch Compactors
Tartar-Kower Control League Fights Dzindzi-Vitis
Tarzan and his Mate
Ted Bundy's Fried Liver
Teddy Kennedy's Driving School
The "A" Team
The Chess X-Ray Unit
The Co-Horts
The Curse of Frankensteinitz
The Donner Partie
The Fischer Kings
The Flohr Boards
The Four Players
The Gang of Four (Chinese Team)
The Gaping Holes
The Happy Rookers
The Itches: Nimzo-ITCH, Port-ITCH, Saem-ITCH, and Jacques-ITCH
The Joy of Sacs
The Ko's: Ben, Gul, Soson, and T
The NeanderTals
The Polgar Brothers
The Rook Canals
The Short and the Tal
The White Square Supremacists
The Wrath of Pawns
Three Men and a Baby
Throw in the Tal
Tickle Me Elo
Torre Torre Torre
Touch Move with Dr. Joycelyn Elders
Toxic Schach Syndrome
Travelling Wilkes-Barres
Two I.M.s and Two I Aint's
Two Knights, Let It Be Lowenthal
U-Knighted
Urine Czech
Walking Tal
War and Piece
We Don't Ivanchuk a Pawn
We're Going to Tarrasch You
Weapons of Mass Deduction
Who Keres
Woman on Top (Board)
You Rook Mahvelous
You've Got Mate
 
--SoCo

I like this: "I Am Not a Rook"
 
only I would change it to, "I Am Not a Rook... I'm a Castle"
 

 
"I Am Not a Rook" refers to Nixon's "I am Not a Crook" so I don't understand how your addition to the team name goes along the same lines.

 
Because he's Hel, and Hel never makes any sense.
 
pazuzu

A good chess team name would be 'Gravediggers: Searching for Bobby Fischer'.
 
pazuzu

AHhh, Ok.
 
well, it has to do with a TV commercial that played not too long ago.
 
It was a man dressed as a hot dog angrily proclaiming, "I am NOT a weiner,,,,, I'm a frank"
 
or something like that. it's been a while, but it was a hoot

 
 
that's a good one, how about "For Whom the Pawn Tals"

.. Two already registered handles are: "WMDee" {as in, weapons of mass destruction}, and "AuralSects."
 
Other hypothetical ones, are; as per the 'no space inbetween' rule, are:

"CondiRicesGambit"; a take-off, of chess,' "Rice Gambit"
 
"Bushwacked," and "Kill....{I can't say the word, lest the FBI comes after me} ..The parenthetical statement, is also a part of the long handle.
 
"WhosFischer?," and "What-Vietnam-War?"; for the generations 'Y' & 'Z,' who seem to be clueless about Any number of things!; esp. the 'Zees'!
 
"MostlyUncredentialed"; In celebration of, 'Obama's' meteoric-like rise, to the presidential candidacy.
 
"TheEmptySuit," {An expression inspired by worst-case-scenarios, of Either candidate; if McCain were to tangibly, mentally-age, even more!?; and if Obama were to become, Even More deliberative, halting, and pre-varicating, in his answers to posed questions!?}.
 
"No-Longer-Stuck-On-Jodie-Foster" {This is specifically reserved for John Hinkley.. if he ever gets his full freedom, and takes up chess; better yet, he {Hinkley} should always be required to wear this in public, as a monogrammed 'T-shirt' or sweatshirt!
 
"Darkhorse," and "Out-of-The-Blue"; Inspired by the two expressions we'll probably be hearing a lot of, should either McCain or Obama, be forced to 'bow-out' for whatever health, or even further scandal-related reasons, that may yet surface{!?}
 
And lastly, the two handles to simultaneously, be Most Feared, and-or pitied!: "NimzoZugzwang," and his possible 'offspring': "NimzoZugzwangsDNA."
 

Dumb and Dumberer
 
My first two moves in chess.

rank amateurs, I swear!
 
 
Queen LaTifah and the Perpetual Checks